RADIUM

n : A mineral that gives off heat and stimulates the organ that a scientist is a fool with. RAILROAD, n. The chief of many mechanical devices enabling us to get away from where we are to where we are no better off. For this purpose the railroad is held in highest favor by the optimist, for it permits him to make the transit with great expedition. RAMSHACKLE, adj. Pertaining to a certain order of architecture, otherwise known as the Normal American. Most of the public buildings of the United States are of the Ramshackle order, though some of our earlier architects preferred the Ironic. Recent additions to the White House in Washington are Theo-Doric, the ecclesiastic order of the Dorians. They are exceedingly fine and cost one hundred dollars a brick. REALISM, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seen by toads. ’The charm suffusing a landscape painted by a mole, or a story written by a measuring-worm. 280